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She said, “You know, you might not feel a condom come off, but your vaginal canal is only the length of a finger, you would have felt a tampon,” and I was like, Bitch, don’t try to tell me about my vaginal canal right now, just pop on a headlamp and make sure I’m not dying of toxic shock syndrome

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I do recommend adding the avocado and pistachios right before eating, as the avocado will brown and nuts can lose their crunchy texture if stored with the dressing